I am really coward. In my childhood, I never spoke up what actually inside my heart to my friends. I was afraid that my words could hurt them because environment made me a sensitive person. The only people I could speak up was my parents at that time. After growing up, I felt my problems also growing complex. I thought that I couldn’t share it anymore with my parents because of it. I didn’t have anyone for sharing my thought too. I needed to work it out by myself. Therefore, I’ve barely expressed my true feelings for a very long time.
My life is full of pretense. I always do everything for people’s sake. As long as they are happy, it doesn’t matter to me, even though what I’ve done is opposite to my feeling. But, it actually hurts me. I want to change. I don’t want to be everyone’s tool. But, when I changed, some people were back to offend me. I am….. scared. However, after musing, I think it is indeed our world. The world is not always filled by good things like the one in our dream. It doesn’t always work well with our expectation too. So, I need to face the whole of it. I don’t wanna run away again. I need to seek my true identity.